


Putting it Back Together

by madpc23 (smallspidey)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, But im planning on writing more one shots very soon, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Not sure if im coming back to this for a while sorry, Parental - Freeform, Parental Roy, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, because of course we need more of that, i'll add more tags as they become relevant, im kind of coming up with the specifics of this story on the go oops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-17 14:50:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9329981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallspidey/pseuds/madpc23
Summary: "No," his voice quivered, "No, no, no! This wasn't... It wasn't supposed to happen like this," the sentence finished no louder than a whisper. His forehead connected with chilled metal, tears spilling over, trailing down his cheeks.Roy finds Edward after a battle him and Alphonse fought and lost. Without true parents to push him through these hard times, Edward (although unsure) finds the closest person he can find in his life to a father. Together Ed and Roy must work together and finally address all the pain and suffering Edward has been through. No matter how difficult they may discover that is.





	1. It All Falls Apart

"No," his voice quivered, "No, no, no! This wasn't... It wasn't suppose to happen like this," the sentence finished no louder than a whisper. His forehead connected with chilled metal, tears spilling over, trailing down his cheeks.

 

* * *

 

 A light trickle of rain quickly transformed into a downpour. 

 

"There's a good reason I told Fullmetal to wait for backup," Roy sneered to himself. Rain was dripping from his hat. He _hated_ rain. "But of course Edward runs of with no more than his brother and an urge to fight and now I have to hunt them down before they go killing themselves. _Great_." He flailed his hands next to his face as he spoke. The whole thing came off much sillier than he had hoped.

 

Something much like a whimper stopped him in his tracks. Quickly he followed the sounds into a crumbling alleyway. Cracks tore through the bricks like paper. He arrived just in time to see the blur of a body turning the corner across from him. Quickly he picked up his pace to follow the person. But, just as he started moving he was stopped in his tracks.

 

"I'm sorry," a broken voice sobbed. Again and again and again. A thousand times the voice apologized as if it would fix what had happened. What had happened?

 

Roy's eyes met the child sunken into the ground and his heart stopped. It was Edward. His shaking body gripped onto the largest of metal clearly from a pile of shredded, rusting, silver metal in front of him. The strength of his grip turned his knuckles white.

 

"Ed?" No response. Roy wasn't even sure he had heard him.

 

Suddenly, Roy had noticed the pool of blood framing him.

 

"Fullmetal, tell me what's happening," he said in as firm a voice he cold muster, "that's an order."

 

Edward turned, giving Roy a blank stare in his direction with tears streaked down his cheeks, "M-Mustang?"

 

All the strength from his last words drained from him. What he said next was much softer and caring than he intended. Similar to how a father may have spoken. He was grateful in that moment that no one else was there to hear him. "What's wrong, Fullmetal? Tell me what happened."

 

"I," Ed's voice failed him. Quickly he tried again and with a weak voice, "I fucked up Roy. I tried so hard but I still couldn't stop it." His voice began to rise nearing the end of the sentence. He whipped his head away to look at the pile in front of him so Roy could no longer see his eyes. The boy must have started crying harder or else he wouldn't have moved. Why was that boy so proud? He looked like his world was crumbling around him and yet he still worried more about his mask falling in the presence of others.

 

Roy suddenly pieced the whole scene together. The pile of metal in front of Ed, shredded to pieces, laid limp on the ground. It was Alphonse.

 

Alphonse had died.

 

Roy sucked in a sharp breath, "Edward..."

 

"I'm... I'm Sorry!" Edward screamed into the sky.

 

He jerked suddenly as the pain in his side finally registered. He had cuts in is skin and bruises newly forming hinting at a recent fight but the worst by far was how his side had been carved and shredded in a similar fashion to his brother's armor. His vision started playing tricks on him, dimming and brightening as it pleased. A small rim of black danced its way into the corners of his eyes, engulfing Roy and anything else to his sides in blackness as it wavered in and out.

 

Roy snapped to his senses. He recalled his military training all at once. The threat was dealt with, in a sense at least, his subordinate was down. What was he doing standing around like nothing had happened?! "Shit. Fullmetal, we need to get you to a hospital."

 

Ed didn't move.

 

"Edward, come on," he reached down to help him up. Maybe he couldn't move. He was greatly injured. And to save himself the embarrassment he just acted defiant instead. Yeah, that was something the Fullmetal would do. The kid was an idiot. "Edward, at this rate you're going to die," that should get him moving, "come on."

 

"I don't care anymore," his voice was too weak, too dull. That wasn't Edward. It had managed to scare Roy more than anything. At such a young age Ed was stronger than anyone else he knew. Seeing him like this was too much to comprehend. 

 

"Fullmetal, don't talk like that. You've just lost too much blood. Besides, if I left you here to die I'm sure you'd find someway to come back and annoy me about it for the rest of my life. Actually, no, I bet Riza would kill me before you even had the chance." He tried his best to plaster on a smile. He couldn't find it in him to start any of their usual banter. Instead, he was trying anything at all to make the situation seem a little more normal for the kid.

 

Still no response. Not even a flinch. Ed just stared at the metal with an empty gaze.

 

"You know what, Ed? Fuck it. We don't have time for this" Something in him finally snapped as he realized that at this point he may as well have been watching the kid die from the sidelines.

 

Swiftly, Roy put one arm under his shoulders and one under his knees. Ed could hear the gravel crunching under Roy's shoes as he carried him back to his team. Or, at least, that was what Ed assumed. He was too tired to think of any other possibilities. " _So fucking tired_ ," he thought and, as if on cue, his consciousness slipped from under him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I kept wondering about how Edward would be if Alphonse had died (I know, cruel. But I'm sure that's how most of my fics will be) and then this fic was born! I feel like this is going to be a long one. I'm really hoping it will turn out alright since my only other posted fic is super short.
> 
> Hopefully, I'll get the next chapter out next week (and hopefully it will be a bit longer). Of course, as always I'd love to hear any feedback you have for me so I can keep improving. I need tons more practice on writing so I'm sure there are some errors in this, but really, I started this fic solely for more practice anyway.


	2. A Cracking Facade

There was something faint but completely unbearable attacking Ed's thoughts, causing him to stir in his bed. When consiousness hit him, he discovered that the sound that woke him was truely a miriad of sounds. Quiet but migrane inducing when you already were feeling not simply ill, but as if one half of your body was going to war with the other. Stomach churning, skin burning, and muscles bruised and torn.

As Edward regained more and more of his contiousness, and continued to feel more and more terrible, he was able to put a name to all those terrible tiny noises. The hospital. Oh, how he _loathed_  hospital stays. Something about the all cream coloured building and sick people everywhere and-

His thought was interupted as, in that moment, Edward's head snapped back into the last memories he had. Every piece of his mind and soul found itself back in that body, shaking and crying while struggling so hard to stay awake. To simply stay alive.

“No! Please…”

“It wasn't suppose to be like this.”

"I'm sorry!"

Ed wailed out before he could stop himself as the memories took over him and, in that moment, he prayed no one was in the room waiting for him to wake up.

“Ed!” he heard from many corners of the room. Fucking great… he had an audience.

But from one side of the room he could hear someone sigh while saying “He's alive…” Ed still didn't quite have the energy at this point to try to discover who the voice came from. Every inch of his body throbbed and, truthfully, he probably wouldn't have cared much even if he was fully healthy.

He wasn't sure why but when he tried to form thoughts into words and sentences, his mouth refused to co-operate. He didn't really know what he was trying to say but all he managed to get out was “Al… please.”

Edward's eyes opened a slit as he tried his best to speak to whoever was with him but the bright lights hurt to much to bare with his throbbing mind.

“Fuck,” he hissed.

With a deap breath he tried again to open his eyes. This time he managed to hold open his eyelids with sheer willpower. It still hurt like fucking hell, though.

“Are you okay Edward? Does something hurt?” The conserned voice came from who he now could tell was Havoc.

“Yeah, I'm feeling fucking fantastic. Now can I leave? I hate hospitals,” Ed snapped. Then, more under his breath, Ed mumbled "such a fucking waste of time. Why the hell should I be forced to be here. I never actually need to stay as long as they say."

“Well, you're going to have to get use to it Fullmetal.” Roy's voice came from the right of Edward's bed. As Ed noticed him he groaned. “You nearly died while I was walking you back to the car and we've been sitting in this room waiting for you to come-to all weekend. The least you could do is just to pretend you don't mind being here. Besides, we've all decided we should keep an eye on you for a while.” The last sentense was said slightly quieter then the rest as Roy knew Edward would object to that.

…

Where were the objections, the yelling, the crashing, and the budding headaches?

The silence dragged on and within a few moments everyone felt a bit too uncomfortable watching Ed sagged over in his bed, stairing blankly at his lap.

“I'm sorry Edward,” was the first thing Riza could come up with to fill the silence. It was increadibly odd how the boy didn't even seem effected by the recent event. Those two were so close that she couldn't understand how Ed could be this calm. Of course, it was clear he was upset when he first began to wake up but now, for some reason he felt the need to act as if it never even happened.

“Hmm,” was all he said in response. He didn't even bother to look up in her direction.

Quickly, the room changed from awkward silences and confusion to gut renching pain and sadness as they looked a little closer and saw the tear drops scattered across Edward's blanket.

Ed opened his mouth and closed it again, as if re-learning how to use it. A deep breath in an “what am I suppose to do?” was choked out. There was a waver in his voice Roy had never hear before and, in that moment, he knew the boy was truly falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took so long. Life got in the way and I eventuly planned to actually stop writing it. Thankfully, I'm back now. 
> 
> I'm not super happy with this one's outcome and it's quite short again but at least I'm updating haha. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and be sure to give kudos or even give me some feedback in the comments. It really does make a difference. 
> 
> (P.s. idk if you all can see it but it has both the notes from the first and second chapter on this update... idk how to fix it so i guess it's just something we're all going to have to live with.)


	3. The World is breaking Down Around Us

The room was dark and shaded, with faint light pooling around the window. Edward's hair fanned around his head while he slept a light sleep. His eyes began to twitch and flutter as the little light on the floor quickly shifted and faded away.

The quiet peace of the hospital was interrupted suddenly as Ed began tossing and turning while soft whimpers escaped his lips that never could have escaped if he where awake.

As Edward shifted from one side to another, the deep, ugly wound eating at his side began to tear opened once again, as it had only been stitched and bandaged earlier that day.

With little warning Edward launched from his slumber screaming, tears rolling freely down his cheeks. Before he had the chance to even process what was happening, a person was at his side.

Ed retched and heaved in-between his sobs. He had no control over the blood his body was rejecting, not only from the massive wound on his side but also dripping from his mouth and nose. The blanket covering his lap sagged as blood and bile and spit and tears and sweat pooled in front of him.

Edward was never scared. He kept telling himself this in this moment. Never scared. But something ate away at him that he couldn't take anymore.

As he became more and more conscious and aware of his surroundings he began to remember the monsters haunting him as he was sleeping. The sweet little girl that deserved nothing but love and happiness screaming and afraid. Slowly and painfully her body morphed and changed. Adding pieces of her poor dog Alexander. She was in so much pain and yet, there was nothing he could do but watch in horror.

Next, a bloody grotesque half human took the center stage. Blood seeped from its whole body every time the exposed heart tried to beat. Raged breathing and gasping was all Ed could hear. He wanted to tear his ears off his head just so he could never have to hear it again. He knew that exact sound by heart. He never wanted to hear it again. The body lifted its hand and reached out to Edward. It opened its mouth to speak but the voice didn’t match its looks. It was a voice he knew all too well, sweet and kind and more loving than anyone else he ever met. The only person to come close was his younger brother. But the voice didn't fit here at all. It kept crying out to him “why couldn't you make mommy better?” Edward clenched his eyes and screamed a scream that would have torn his throat to shreds should he have been awake.

As he slowly opened his eyes, he noticed something glint in his fingertips. When he looked down he noticed an old battered knife. The weapon looked oddly familiar. Something about it made him shudder. Slowly, he lifted his head up to look in front of him and found Alphonse pinned against a brick wall. As he looked closer, Edward realized that, despite that his brother's body being made of metal, that there were tears running from the holes where his eyes would have been. Should have been. If not for his mistake. Edward tried to run towards his brother. To call out and tell him how much he loved him and missed him and how fucking sorry he was for being so stupid, but his body wouldn't listen to him anymore. Instead, Edward walked slowly to his brother and swiftly removed his chest plate. He used every ounce of his strength to fight back but his body stayed completely still until he stopped struggling.

“Brother, stop. Please!” Alphonse pleaded.

“No! No stop! I can't-” Edward's voice strained as he yelled and did everything in his power to fight back.

Once Ed realized he had no control, he started talking again. “Al I'm so sorry.” slowly he raised the hand holding the long blade.

“I'm sorry... I'm so sorry!" Edward screamed out. "I can't stop it!”

“Brother please don't do this!” Ed's hand took it's aim.

“I'm so sorry. Fuck! I'm so-,” Ed said through a wavering, cracking voice, worn from screaming and yelling. 

Then, before he could even fully realize, he was stabbing Al's blood seal over and over. Every tear Alphonse cried made Edward wish he could take his little brothers place. Al didn't deserve this. If anyone did it was him. But all he could do was simply scream in sheer pain.

—

Edward came crashing back to reality as someone tried to speak to him.

“Fullmetal, stop screaming. Your wound has re-opened, you need to calm down.”

Ed felt the strain on his throat and realized he was screaming without even hearing. He wired his jaw shut and baked in embarrassment but he really couldn't bother to care as much as he normally would. Suddenly, Ed became aware of his whole body violently shaking and the taste of copper lining his mouth.

He couldn't think straight as he leaned into the person's shoulder and cried out for his brother. He couldn't bother to be ashamed or pull his mask back on. Everything he had ever gone through seemed as if it crashed down on him in that moment and it hurt too damn much to bear anymore.

“Hey, breathe Ed. It's going to be okay.” It sounded like Roy. Why was he here so late. Or was it truly late. Maybe it was morning already.

“It's okay. I'm here,” he mumbled in the most comforting voice he could manage. Roy did his best to copy Maes on the bright days that his daughter fell from her bike or the storming, late nights Maes had to talk Roy down. That man always seemed to know how to fix the situation and Roy felt so hopeless. If only he could figure out how to make Edward alright. Despite the way they bickered and yelled, Roy truly believed this boy deserved better.

Thankfully, as Roy desperately tried to discover the right next move, a nurse rushed in with a small rolling table of supplies to patch Edward up again and Roy was grateful to have someone here who knew how to help him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me updating on a regular basis. I wouldn't get used to it lmao.
> 
> (Jan. 14, 2018 update - I just came back to this chapter to remember what was happening in this story and I just now realized the mess that was the last sentence. What did it mean? Who knows! lmao. I fixed it to the best of my abilities, but in the future, I may post this chapter again with a stronger ending.)


	4. Chapter 4

Edward slowly found himself gaining consciousness once again. He had a vague feeling of waking up at some point during the night before, but this was not anything new. Over the past few years, Edward had become used to rude awakenings ever since his mother had passed. Even more after what happened to Alphonse. 

As his mind wandered to his brother, there was an ache he couldn’t explain. One much stronger than he had felt in the past. Although, he really couldn’t explain anything right now. There was something like a fog surrounding his mind, not allowing him to even think in full thoughts. To make matters worse there was a sharp pain in his side, radiating through the rest of his body. With each throb of pain, his teeth clenched. With everything in his power, he tried not to make a sound to not upset Alphonse. He always worried too much about Edward. 

With the thought of his worried younger brother, memories of the night before rushed through his brain again, making it nearly unbearable to be awake again. Maybe he could force himself back to sleep. 

Ed could feel the rain beat down on his skin again, the searing pain and the blood dripping from his side. The same chill wind whistling through the air just barely clawing at his cheeks. Sucking a sharp breath in through his teeth, Edward shut his eyes so fast and so hard that pain shot through his brain, but he couldn’t open his eyes again. He couldn’t open them because he knew somehow, he would see his brother in front of him again, only shards of who he used to be. 

From somewhere distant, a voice called his name. It felt so far away, like there wasn’t really anyone there. He felt a piece of him chasing and clinging to the voice, wishing that it could pull him away from here. 

“Edward?” came the voice again, clearly less bothered with hiding their concern. 

Edward could feel his body begin to shake, like the very core of his being was cold, too cold to bare. 

Edward, answer me,” a rough hand clasped onto Ed’s shoulder, causing fear to shoot through his spine as a brown and white hospital room began to form around him. 

Edward breathed sharply in and out, trying to calm himself after everything that had happened. On top of all of that, Edward couldn’t help but feel unsettled after waking up somewhere he hadn’t expected to be. It wasn’t the hospital that was worrying him, but more so the unsettling feeling so waking up in a bed so different from your own, with the world around you changing so drastically. “Sorry,” Ed panted. 

“What happened, Fullmetal?” Ed almost cared enough to notice the shift back to his title. 

Edward felt his breath catch in his throat, but he pushed the words through anyways, “I was just confused. It’s fine.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. 

Roy hadn’t moved away yet so he likely wasn’t buying it, but Edward refused to meet his eyes. Just as he heard Roy huffing, possibly he was about to say something or possibly because he was going to give up and move away again, a nurse moved into the room. She was laughing loudly towards someone in the hallway and then said goodbye to them just as loudly. After shutting the door behind her, she smiled towards Edward that felt surprisingly genuine. Ed always assumed that any nurse he encountered would be anywhere from uninterested to him to completely frustrated with Edward. Frankly, he had assumed this due to past events, although, he wasn’t always the easiest of patients. Maybe this nurse felt too sorry for him, entering the hospital far to close to death and completely dejected. 

“Edward?” the nurse asked. After Edward nodded slightly and the nurse began speaking again, “Good to see you awake,” she smiled. “How’s your pain today on a scale of one to ten?” 

Ed had to stop for a moment to assess his pain. Sure it hurt, but he hadn’t bothered to really think about it. That sure as hell wouldn’t make it feel better, and physical pain wasn’t his number one priority after the other night. 

“Seven I guess,” Edward mumbled. 

The nurse raised her eyebrows and moved to write on the clipboard she held under her arm, “You must be tough. I was sure that would have been at least a nine. You came in here looking really chewed up. How’d you manage to do that anyway?” 

She looked like she was simply trying to make conversation and maybe even get some information from Ed on his wounds, but Edward felt fumes rising. He barely waited for her to finish talking before bluntly saying, “my brother was killed.” 

The nurse looked incredibly worried that she had hit such a sore spot. Roy, on the other hand, was not nearly as worried, “Fullmetal, you’re acting like a child!” Then, Roy lowered his voice, aware he may have gone a little too far, “I know this is difficult but don’t take it out on your nurse.” 

Ed still looked furious, but now his eyes also held tears. He forced them not to fall, but still, he glared at the floor, hoping that no one could see his face. 

Then, Roy apologized on Edwards behalf and tried to assure her it was okay. 

The nurse moved to the drip next to Edward bed and removed one of the bags from its hook. As she began replacing it with another full bag of clear fluid she began speaking both to Edward and to Roy, “This is some pain medication since it sounds like you’re in a bit of pain. You should feel its effects kick in about twenty minutes from now. Normally this is enough to ease the pain but if not,” she lifted a button connected to a long wire from the wall and placed it next to Edward’s arm, “just give this button a push and we can figure out what you need to fix it. Or whatever problem you’re having,” she added. 

With that, the nurse left the room once again. Only after the door clicked closed did Edward lift his head again, he still had no plans to look at Roy. 

Edward could feel the chill of the fluid entering his arm, so faint that he thought it could have just been his mind playing tricks on him. The medication entering his bloodstream gave him a nauseous feeling. It wasn’t strong enough to be of concern, but it was present enough to make him wish that he could just sleep through it. Ed leaned back down slowly. As his head hit the pillow, he closed his eyes and let himself fall asleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I actually updated! Wild I know. Hopefully, I'll keep it up for a while. For the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this chapter :) I feel like this chapter was a little meh honestly, but it moves us a bit closer to where we need to be for the rest of the story. 
> 
> (Check out my Tumblr if you want to find more of my writing and updates: chimericalink.tumblr.com )


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